Those Advice given by My Dad That Saved Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality quickly became "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You need support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider failure to communicate between men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - spending a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I think my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."